MASCHA VAN TONGEREN

My first boyfriend.

What can I say… I entered the dating game/ zest pool at a very young age …

For some reason this song popped up in my head. I am in a bad mood. Confused. Sad. Scared, no not scared, I feel a fight mode coming up so I guess that’s maybe why the song popped up.

Please God give me strength because I am ready to throw in the towel, but just not today …

It’s been a while since I have updated.

bad bad bad.

What can I say? I have been busy. I have been feeling extremely sorry for myself, shutting out a lot of people that I care about and that care for me. Been acting like a total bitch. Stupid and Selfish.

So now, with this new day – of a new week -  in a new year – of a brand spanking new decade, there has never been a better day to start the rest of my life. So I decided to snap out of it and do stuff that I’d normally wouldn’t do, make decisions I’d normally wouldn’t make and do everything in my power to be  efficient.

Here’s just a short list of things that need work. A lot of work…

• answering my cell phone [ I still freak out when it actually rings I mean, I have that DROID to make it easier to stay up to date with everyone's Facebook status, send and receive emails, take pictures, update my twitter status, check in on FourSquare, text my friends and find the shortest way to the mountains ]
• not just tell my friends and family how much they are loved and appreciated by me, but actually show them by calling them [see point one], sending post cards, show up for birthday parties and weddings … [uhm... nah ... forget the weddings. That's just a waste of time. ]
• stop PROCRASTINATING out of fear of failure.
• stop making EXCUSES for the procrastination.
• listen to my voicemails instead of erasing them out of guilt for never returning phone calls.
• be on time. every time.
• become more active as a volunteer again. Teaching the old folks on how to use email / skype to stay in touch with their kids and grand kids. Doing stuff like this is rewarding. Seriously. It makes me feel good. [told you I was selfish]
• listen to my friends needs and go the extra mile to help them whenever I can, go see them -even when it’s shitty weather or if they want to meet at a lame bar.

I can go on and on … I am not gonna lie… I have a lot of flaws. One of my goals for the rest of my life is to aim higher, to strive to better myself every day, some words that come to mind [ after glancing over Wikipedia's Virtue's ]

• altruism
• awareness
• compassion
• courage
• dependability
• determination
• excellence
• forgiveness
• happiness
• perseverance
• self-confidence
• spirituality
• unselfishness

Oh, I am well aware that this all might sound like I am planning to become a Saint or am full of myself, but I think that these words pretty much describe some of the essentials… the key elements that I value a lot in my friends, family and people in general.

I believe that people are essentially good, but that life circumstances, key influencers and other random events can/will shape someone’s decisions, behaviour and personality. Soooo, with that in mind … back to myself  [ told you I became self centered ], I believe that this past year, I just kinda lost track of the things that really matter.

On the bright side … there is also a list of the good things, my qualities, dreams and personal successes …

but that’s for the next update …

early morning shopping